• Tana Daughtrey


Updated: Nov 6, 2018

Fear… I’m not talking about fear that occurs in a situation where you are threatened. I am talking about the fears like…the fear that you are unlovable, the fear that people won’t like you, the fear that people will laugh at you, the fear of being alone, the fear of failure, or any other fear that your imagination created.

Fear, as discussed in A Course in Miracles, is the antithesis to love. It exists in our daily thoughts and has been woven throughout our beliefs. We can learn tools to identify and question our thoughts and beliefs. Perhaps our fears are illusory and no longer need to consume us, then we have choices about how we want to live, feel, and act. By questioning our thoughts, we realize fear is just a thought in our mind.

Our fears are the core of our Story. If you’ve read me before you’ve heard me talk about each of us having our own Story. It’s our schtick. Our Story is the mindset we go to when we are in an uncomfortable and stressful situation. You may be aware of and have identified your Story, or it may subconsciously control your reactions to situations. For example, if you grew up in an atmosphere where you and one of your parents were the “victim” to the other parent literally or emotionally, then you may feel like or react like a victim in stressful situations.

We all have our fear-based Story that we made up or absorbed sometime during our childhood. It’s theorized that we create this Story because something happened as a child that was frightening to us. To make sense of the world, we made up our Story. Alternatively, it is my belief, if you came from a damaged, fear-based family, which most people do, then the only Story you heard and the only Story you could ever learn in childhood is a fear-based Story. The apple cannot fall far from the tree. The Story may have worked when you were a child, but it probably is not how you want to act, react, live, and feel now. Let’s talk about the fear that weaves through the Story and what do we do with the Tapestry of our Story now.

When it comes to fear, if you pull those feelings out of the Story and put them in the light before you, you can see the feelings for what they are, they are lint on a thread of the Tapestry of our Story, nothing, simply our mind’s imagination working overtime. Our minds are, however, very powerful, and they can and do impact how we act. I can remember when I was young I had to perform my violin in a competition. I was frightened. I had a whole Story in my head about how I could not perform in front of these people and in front of these judges. I knew in my heart I would mess up. My Story is that I’m a failure and unlovable, so I can’t compete or perform well. That day during the performance I made a mistake. I stopped mid-performance unable to continue. This fear of speaking and performing stayed with me for years. It limited so much of my life that I had to see this fear just as an extension of my Story that I am flawed, that I am unlovable. I finally made the decision to face this fear. I still feel the fear, but I don’t let my Story rule me or stop me. I act with my fear, and now, I do enjoy public speaking. I particularly like Liz Gilbert’s image that she just makes room in the car she’s traveling in down the road of life for her fear. We travel with fear.

I guess the first question to ask yourself is… do you want to go live outside your Story? It’s ok if you don’t. It’s ok to say no. If you don’t want to step outside your Story, then be happy with your life and be thankful for your Story. For example, you don’t like your job, but it’s comfortable and you don’t really care all that much that others are getting promoted and you’re not. Great if this is your thoughtful choice. Another example, you have a boyfriend that you have been with for years. You say you love him, but you talk badly about him and complain constantly saying you should break up with him. You say you’d rather be with him than face the fear of being alone. Again, it’s fine if it is your choice. You are never required to face your fear unless you want to and are ready.

If living as you are now is painful, and you are ready, then let’s step outside your Story. If you step outside your Story, you might meet a fear, but I can’t say if or when. Life decides when to bring its lessons. Facing fears are life’s lessons. Let me speak of another personal example. I worked for years in corporate America. I said I would never start my own business because I was afraid I would not be successful. I fear failure. Now that I am ready to face this fear, I started my own business because I want to help people. Yes, I’m afraid of failure, but I am ready to face this fear. I know this fear can control me, but it doesn’t need to. I can travel this journey of owning my own business knowing that I may some days be consumed by fear, but I will continue to move forward with and despite the fear.

I am going to name a few tools developed by others that I have used to help me step out of my Story. You will need to study the techniques to become proficient in the use of any tools you want to use. Also, remember my rule that no one tool removes all your discomfort or fear every day. You’re lucky if have one tool remove the discomfort enough for a day outside

your Story. Some days though, it is a 2 or more-tool day. If so, then that’s what it takes that day. It’s good to have several tools available. Some of these tools are conventional; some are not. All have uses in my personal toolbox. Let’s get started describing at some tools…

· Living in the Now. When you’re living in the Now, you’re neither thinking about the past nor thinking about the future. As the Course in Miracles says, “Fear is not of the present, but only the past and future, which do not exist.” The best-known book for living in the now is Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. Living in the Now is a fantastic way to step out of your Story.

· Tapping and EFT. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT and Tapping are tapping on meridian points while working with your fear. Depending on your teacher, and Nick Ortner is a well-known tapping guru, a person tapping says something like “Even though I have ______________ (this fear), I love and accept myself anyway.” This technique is both a simple and powerful tool you can learn that might assist you in stepping out of your Story if you practice it regularly.

· The Work - Surrender to What Is. Fear arises when we are at war with reality. Surrendering to what is…is powerful. Byron Katie wrote Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. This is an excellent book to help you surrender to what is in your life. Ms. Katie developed The Work. It is a very powerful tool for your toolbox.

· Meditation and the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. Dr. Joe Dispenza has many inspirational video and audio tapes regarding his work and meditation. All his presentations and books are excellent. I suggest you might read Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe. This can be a very powerful tool.

· Visualization Tools. I have discussed visualization tools in earlier blogs like Louise Hay’s mirror work. I’ve recently used what are called Mind Movies. This program allows you to prepare videos yourself that may be useful in the journey of facing fears. I find this to be a very useful tool.

· The Study of Astrology Through my studies with Debra Silverman I believe that the analysis of your natal chart, or the chart of the stars at the time of your birth, can tell you a great deal about yourself and your Story. Debra has excellent videos available online, and she has also written a book that is helpful on these issues called The Missing Element.

· Oracle Cards. Oracle cards are a simple tool. They can be used to ask about your Story in motion today. They provide a level of comfort on those days it’s hard to step outside your Story. There are several people who have created Oracle Cards. My favorite is Colette Baron-Reid. Her cards are great to look at and work with.

The one thing I am sure is that this can be done, and you can do it. There are so many tools that I cannot possibly list them all. Find the tools that help you step out of your Story. If you need help in this transition, and it is a transition in your life, you might work with a coach. Coaches are trained to help you find the tools you want and your answers. Should you want assistance I am here to help.

We all have a Story. As we, daily, question our repetitive, fear-based thoughts, our lives change, our happiness increases, then our Stories change too. Being a human being is about stepping outside our Story, outside our fears. It’s a daily process. Some days even with multiple tools we don’t want to step out. I understand that. Those are the days we want to sit in our house in our PJs. I have those days; we all do. I hope for you that you step out of your Story more days than you stay in it. That, to me, is a successful life. I wish you a successful life.

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© 2018 by Tana Daughtrey.