• Tana Daughtrey


The song’s words sound in my head,

The song is the story that the mind said,

Hear the words chattering all day long,

The story is in the song,

This one note repeats loud and long,

A monotonous tone of song,

A sound of one note that’s all wrong,

Crying at night to the moon,

I beg help me, please turn down this tune,

The moon says find a new song to sing,

A new tune with a new ring,

The moon suggests a new song,

Its melody is strong,

Step back and observe your mind from nearby,

Then there is no way to lie.

Truth is what you will see,

Now hear the new melody.

We have all had a song run through our head and can’t turn it off. We hum or sing the words to the song to ourselves all day long. So, what happens when that song in our head, those words running through our mind are chattering things like you are not enough, you are a failure, you are not pretty, no one loves you, no one will ever love you, or some similar words (Song of Failure)? Often the Song of Failure plays in our heads chattering in our minds 24/7 like a tune that never ceases.

Our minds are always thinking. The songs, the words are our thoughts. We can’t and don’t want to stop our thoughts[1]. So, how do we decrease the volume on the Song of Failure?

First, see the Song of Failure for what it is… a story. It is a story, something we thought and believed probably when we were young. It doesn’t matter where the Song of Failure came from. It was how we made our world understandable at the time. It wasn’t the truth then, and it’s not the truth now.

In part our journey in life is to learn to hear and identify the Song of Failure when it shows up, and then, be able to turn down the volume of the song. Decreasing the volume of the Song of Failure and turning up the volume of what I call the Song of the Observer is the work I do each day both as a coach and for myself personally. It takes learning tools that help us hear the Song of Failure for what it is, a story. Each tool we learn; each step we take decreases the volume of the song[2].

One of my favorite ways to decrease the Song of Failure’s volume is to journal. Several years ago, I was working on a huge cry for the umpteenth day over a man (I was singing the song… the story was in my head all day long) when I remembered hearing Debra Silverman[3] talking about the Observer.

This concept is that there is a presence inside us all. You may call it any name. Debra and others call it the Observer. It’s that presence that can observe our mind as it chatters and sings. That Observer, if we listen to him or her, will help us identify our story, decrease the volume of the Song of Failure, and teach us to turn up the Song of the Observer. The Observer can help us see ourselves as a child of God and sing the song that says we are ok, we are beautiful, and we are loved.

Let me give a quick example. As I described above I cried and cried over this man singing my story all the time. My Story of Failure is that I’m a victim. My story is that I’m not lovable. I start singing the song no one will ever love me, and I will die alone. My story is just my story…my Song of Failure.

When I was in the bad place crying I journaled for 20 minutes to an hour writing non-stop. Merely writing in the journal helps calm me down. Once I’m calm I read what I wrote. Usually when reading it I can see my story and identify the song my mind is singing. If I can do that, I can turn the volume of the Song of Failure down, I can find peace and look at myself with kindness and love. Then I sing the Song of the Observer.

Some days seem darker than others. We all have them. If your heart hurts or your mind is chattering and singing the Song of Failure, step back, try contacting your Observer. I know sometimes I sing the Song of Failure, but I also know that I can turn the sound down and play another song, a new song. You can too. Let’s sing the song of peace, love, civility, and kindness to ourselves and others, the Song of the Observer.

Peace and joy be with you all!

Tana Daughtrey

Coaching Life’s Transitions

[1] Scientists say we think a million thoughts or so a day and repeat 90 to 95% of those thoughts every other day. From today until the next day for each and every one of us the sound goes on.

[2] If you haven’t read it, I’m sending a link to my earlier blog called Reality https://www.coachinglifetransition.com/blog/reality which speaks to some other ways to decrease the volume. Every tool for decreasing the volume also can also be a tool to increase the Song of the Observer.

[3] Debra Silverman is a psychologist and astrologist. She has written a book titled The Missing Element. If you have some interest in astrology. I have training from Debra and am happy to include reviewing your natal chart during a coaching session.

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Tel: 713-315-7618


© 2018 by Tana Daughtrey.